If you can guess what song that's from, I will love you forever. For reals. Yes neither Dina nor I have died yet, surprisingly. I'm surprised because it's amazing we haven't been crushed by our bags, or killed each other yet, yay virtual cookies for us! ^^ Anyways nothing serious has happened  recently. I had my first debate tourny of the year last weekend. I did ok considering I got thrown into an event barely a week before.

Anyways I'm so weird :D. Hum just the usual bullshit and drama has been going on, nothing much. Let us see if I can think of a poem or thought provoking blog to write for you.

Ok got it, nothing lasts forever.

Nothing lasts forever,
that's just how life is.

You fight for love,
you may win,
and then lose.

Nothing lasts forever,
that's just how life is.

You strive for happiness,
you fall into a black hole,
and try to find you way back.

Nothing lasts forever,
that's just how life is.

You make a close friend,
you love them like a sibling,
and then they leaving you in the dust.

Nothing lasts forever,
that's just how life is.

Ok that's all for today my darling readers. I love you guys! :))))

-Rose <333333

Parents. From ages 0-10 you love them to death. From 11-29 you hate them. And supposedly from 30-whenever you love them. Yeah right, oops did I say that? Oh of course you love them, because they're so perfect. Did anyone smell that? Oh that's the sarcasm permeating the air.

Yeah things on the parent front isn't so good. They're fighting a lot, my dad hasn't been home all day. And by all day I legit mean all day. My brother knows something is up, and he's worried. My fucking mom won't tell me what's wrong, and it's pissing me off.

I don't give a shit if they're fighting, I grew up with my mom fighting with her boyfriend before my step dad. Fight all the fuck you want, just keep it quiet, and not when there are people over. (It's so white trash when people do that and my mother has done that before when I was younger, soooo embarrassing. Just FYI my mom and step dad are white. My biological father is black, white, and Puerto Rican).I just don't want them fighting in front of my brother. The second that happens they're gonna figure about the fact I curse like a sailor. Well actually, I make a sailor look like a saint.

I swear to whatever god or whatever it is that you guys believe in, if that happens shit is gonna hit the fan. My brother is still innocent, he's a kid. He's never had an adult hit him for no reason. Or make him go to bed without eating. Or hurting him. He's never seen two adults fight, throwing shit, yelling and cursing. I have. I don't care if they do it when I'm home, but I'm extremely protective of my brother, I think I'm worse than an older brother with a younger sister.

If they do that, I'm sure as hell not living here. I'll stay with an aunt, or cousin, or who the fuck ever. I'm not about to let my brother or I live in that situation. Been there done that, once was enough for me, and my brother was too young to remember, so he doesn't need to see it.

Well I hope things are going better with you guys, lets keep going strong, holding our heads high, fighting back the tears, and smiling and laughing to forget the hurt. I'm trying, you try too. Four times out of ten it works, that percentage is good enough for me so go on try it.

Love you guys, bye. :)

-Rose <3

Skillet, it amazes me how much I can relate to your music. You're hardcore Christians and I'm hardcore atheist, but your songs are so relatable, I love it! Anyways hey guys, it's your lovely Rose :). I've been listening to Skillet non stop for about a week now. Before that it was Family Force 5. And the week before that Hollywood Undead. Yes I listen to such weird music, don't forget about my obsession with Japanese music :D.

I just, well have no real point to write about, just felt the need to blog. Ok I thought of my topic for the blog. Here it goes:

Choices

Trust me in life there will always be choices you made you'll regret. Not asking out the guy or girl you like. Falling for the wrong person. Wearing that horrible neon yellow shirt that made you look like a raver. We all make bad choices, it's part of human nature. And if you think you don't make bad choices either you're delusion, and you should see a doctor; or you're not being completely honest with yourself.

Just take ten minutes, only ten or so. Just sit there, and think. Think about all the friends, lovers, and people you've lost because of a bad choice. I've made a ton of them, trust me. I've been doing this a lot recently, making bad choices, and reflecting on those choices. Some choices I've made, may of not been the best for the other party, but in the end once my heartache stopped, it was the best for me.

As you all know, I don't open up to people. I've never opened up to ANYONE completely, ever, not even to Dina. So when I care about someone, in any sort of way, it hurts to let them go. To have to forever live with the fact that that person isn't in your life anymore. But usually if you've made a drastic choice like that, then it was most likely for the best. Maybe not for that person but for yourself.

And when I get those instances to think about things, it makes me realize that every bad choice I've made is a chance to grow and develop as a person. Losing a best friend, it may of hurt like hell, but in the end getting rid of all the bad things in your life is always best to do, even if it hurts. To me losing a friend is the WORST thing ever. My friends are my family because I don't get along with my actual family. So losing one is like pulling the plug on a family member who's on life support.

Ok well I think I'm done with this topic. That song the title is from is called 'Lucy' by Skillet. It is one of the most amazing songs ever written. I love it and I love all my readers. Oh and a new chapter on my RPG should be up soon, working on a rewrite of the second chapter from Blaze's point of view, and the fourth chapter.

Love you guys for like EVA!!!! :DDDDDDD

-Rose, who's finally <3

I find it amazing how Dina and I can switch personalities so quickly. Back some time ago (I don't remember exactly when) she was in the same place I am, and I was in the one she was. Now, it's opposite. Oh and Dina I don't rag on the readers, I rag on the world. So if any reader is offended by something I write please leave a message at our complaint department, aka our Facebook.

If a reader feels offended in any way then:

A) You're one of the people I'm talking about, so I don't care.
B) You're the same type of person I'm talking about, so I REALLY don't care.
C) You're overtly sensitive, so I'm actually sorry.
D) You're the type of person who likes to complain, well I don't like your face so meh XP (wow worse come back ever).
E) IDK just wanted to use the letter 'E'. Venting makes me feel better, so my mood has slightly improved.

Well now I'm actually gonna go, and try to heed some of Dina's advice, considering she's probably too busy with Mr. Fuck Shit Piece Of Shit to deal with my agnsty mood right now to talk to me. Oh well that's life, it moves to fast and the ones that can't keep up get left behind in the dust.

-Rose

and just another slightly (extremely) agnsty blog. Great I know. -_- Well I'm still not ok I guess, just nothing seems to be going right and every time someone tries to help they just completely turn it back to themselves. For example my friend 'Megan' was trying to get me out of my bad mood, and she said, and I quote "We're in this together. I'm stressed and confused." And then it went on. Well how the fuck does that help me? Woohoo you're stressed and confused, yes tell me more. You don't know my problems or what's going on so that's not helping me at all, we've all got problems but when one of us is seriously depressed and had barely said more than 50 words today, I think that might, for once, take priority over your shiz. Just sayin.

Yes as you can see I'm getting no help on the friend front. And the family front isn't doing much better. The second I get in the car my mother is bitching me out about something, so much fun.... NOT!!!!
I'm actually going to bed early just to avoid talking to people, and today I didn't really talk until debate started after school. (I only talked in debate because I had to help the Public Forum novices learn how to do shit since I was the only varsity kid there).

I hate when I just need to be left alone, and then all people want to do is worry over me. 99% of you so called 'friends' don't know anything about my life. And that 1% doesn't even know everything. So that one percent is only one person who can bother me when I need to be alone (her name rhymes with Mena), and she was respectful and just let me work it out myself. Everyone else was bugging me with "what's wrong?" "are you ok?"

No you fucking idiots, you guys are bothering me! You people rarely give a flying shit about me or my life, and the second I let it show how sad I am, then you people want to come and try to be a friend? That's not how friendship works. Friendship is when you're always there no matter what, and never leave. Ever. I can't stand most of you people at my school, so just leave me alone. I have my ipod, my writing, and my internet connection, I seriously don't need you.

Someone who's older than me and is reading this blog, please tell me after high school it gets better. Cause if it doesn't get better once my four (now three) years are up, then there will be a big problem for me. But there's no possible way that life could get worse than this. I'm already hanging on by a silk thread. If it gets worse, well, it's going to be a lot worse for me.

I'm going to go guys. Just remember that even if no one gives a shit about me, that doesn't mean it's the same for you. Use this blog to remember that someone does have it worse than you do. And if your life is truthfully worse than mine, then use it so you know there is a step up (even if this step is a shitty step). Bye.

-Rose </3

Dear anyone and everyone,

Well folks, Rose is back. Sorry no thought provoking blog, allergies completely throw the writer's schizophrenia out of wack. Just a blurb about how my life's going. Don't like it? Fucking deal with it bitch. One, it's all you're getting. Two, it's more than Dina's blogging, so be glad you're getting anything. Three, I don't give a fuck what you think you bastard so shut the hell up, you stupid ass.

Yeah, as you can see, I'm not in a good mood. So many fucking reasons, jesus. Does bullshit ever stop? One second shit happens, it clears up, and then something else comes up. Maybe I'm just hanging with the wrong people. Maybe it's me, maybe I'm putting myself in the middle of bullshit. Maybe all my bad karma is catching up with me. I don't fucking know.

All I do know is that right now at 3:36pm, the sky is grey and dreary, matching my mood. I'm already worn out, tired of life at 14. And I'm more stressed than I have ever been. It's not getting any better, and I don't see it getting better anytime soon. Life sucks, and it just needs to end. At least this chapter, I'm tired of being sad and depressed, pretending to be happy or lying and saying I'm fine when all I want to do is scream, yell, and cry. But I don't know how to get out, I guess this is what abusive relationships are like.

It's sad ya know? That at 14 I'm all ready to just die? What has this world come to where a 14 year old girl is convincing herself that there is worth and the world, and there are still good people out there. But in reality, there are no good people and no one really knows you, or sees how low you've gone until it's too late. I'm screaming silently at you right now, not with my words but with my eyes. The eyes are the gate way to the soul. Do you see the ghoulish depths, all the pain and misery? Do you see those tears I want to spill, but they won't fall, because I was raised to believe crying is for the weak. But I should be crying, I am weak. I'm barely holding on as it is, can't you see?

No, no you don't. You don't see these tears, or the pain in my eyes. All you see is that fake smile I wear, and the sarcasm I use to hide my pain. Do you just not see it, blind because you're so sheltered by your as-close-to-a-prefect-life-as-humanly-possible? Or, do you just not care enough.

Ah there it is, you don't care enough. I'm wearing my pain like a second skin, any idiot can see it. But you'd rather live your life, not seeing my pain, my tears, or the thin thread that's barely keeping me held on. Thanks, thanks for caring. Just leave me to wallow, wallow in my pain. Yes you're such a great person, you should win a medal.

I'm tired of people, tired of this life. I don't want to deal with anyone. I want to throw my phone away, any form of communication, get some money, and leave. Screw school, you can't jobs anyways in this economy. Screw family, they're part of the problem. Screw friends, the biggest part of the problem. I can only stand 5 of my friends, the rest of you just annoy me, I don't like talking to you or dealing with you, just go away and leave me alone!!!! Screw everyone else, I don't know exactly why but I know you've got a friend in the same dark place as me and you do absolutely nothing to help them. You're just as bad as the people in my life.

That's really all I have to say, fuck off and never talk to me again. No one is worth it, no one is. Everyone who says they'll love you forvever, whether it be you're father, mom, step dad, friends, or who ever they'll leave. So screw them, I'm done with it all. Take your problems else where, cause I'm done being burdened by you. I want to live, not keep being so stressed and having a knife poised at my wrist ready to strike. I refuse to die.

So, who's it gonna be? Your problems, or me living.

Knowing you.... it'll be your problems.

Thanks for loving me.

Truly yours,
Evanishing Rose </3