Chapter 5
I get home to the apartment and go inside. My dad isn’t home but he’s sure as hell already got his Bulleit. When my mom died my dad lost the love of his life but when he found Bulleit he regained some semblance of love. We usually stay out of each other’s way, trying being in the car together for seventeen hours, now that can be justified as unreasonable torture. He wasn’t drunk for the drive down mostly because cops are really hard in the south on drunk drivers or so he heard. I couldn’t remember a time before that that he wasn’t drunk.
I consider throwing away the bourbon but I don’t need him taking any anger out on me, so I just do as I usually do and go to my room to change into dance clothes. Then I go to the extra room and start dancing. Around eight I hear a knock at the door. I go to the front door, it’s Ryan. “You still have to see a football practice, but I have to see one of your practices.”
“Ok. Come on in.” I step out of the doorway and let him in. Ok this is weird, I really only hang out with people who are dancers. And now I have a football playing anti-dancer in my house, jesus maybe I’ve been getting into Bulleit. He follows me past my room and you can see straight inside. Clothes and my stuff everywhere, I never finished unpacking, too tired.
“Never unpacked?” He asks as we walk into the extra room. Now this room is unpacked, everything in order. I go to the barre and stretch. He sits down on the floor and watches as I stretch every muscle in my body. When I start feeling my muscles pleasantly burn I go from the barre and start doing floor work. I spin and jump around the room to music only I can here. This is when I miss Xander, my favorite part of dance is being tossed into the air.
He and I are still dating, we’ve been dating too long to break up. Like married couples who won’t divorce. I shake my head to forget him. “So how long have you been dancing?” Ryan asks.
“Since I could walk honestly. My mother was a dancer.” I say.
“Is she still one?” Dammit I hate these question. I hate telling people my mom is dead because then they feel the need to apologize.
“She passed away when I was eight.” I say in a monotone.
“My dad passed when I was nine. I know how you feel.” I stop for a millisecond, this is the first time I’ve met someone who lost their parent around the age I did. I nod and keep spinning.
“Have you ever tried dancing?” I ask. He looks up.
“No. Do I look like a dancer?” I smile, he really doesn’t.
“Anyone can dance.” I say, trust me I’ve seen miracles happen.
“Yeah right.” He snorts at me, an actual smile gracing his face, and starts laughing. He probably doesn’t do that often, you can tell by the way it sounds, sort of rusty.
“Oh come on try it.” I say pulling him up. “What type of dances do you know?”
“I did ballroom once when I went to my cousin’s wedding.” He says.
“Want to start with that?” I say.
“Sure.” He walks up to me and we start dancing. He nervous and unsure, making him trip over his feet. It’s sorta cute…. no I cannot think that. I have a boyfriend, but not one that I love and the feeling is mutual. I sigh as I spin out of Ryan’s arms. Before I can stop he twists me back in. I bite my lip and let myself keep being spun and twisted. Finally he stops.
“See wasn’t that hard.” I say smiling at him. His hands are still on me. I pull back and his hands slide slowly off of me.
“Yeah… you have a guitar? Do you play?” He sees my guitar with all the other instruments I’ve learned to play.
“I play everything over there.” We walk over to that corner of the room. He looks at a few guitars, the bass, the drums, the rhythm guitar, and my violin. In between dancing my mother taught me violin and I taught myself everything else.
“Cool.” He says as my phone blares out Lie to Me by Red.
“Hello? Hey baby. No. Yes. Ok. Bye.” I hang up and I feel Ryan staring at me.
“That your boyfriend?” I nod.
“He was the guy I was dancing with in that video.” He nods and looks at his watch.
“My mom has to go to work soon. I’ll see you at school. Bye.”
“Ok bye.” I walk him to the front door and he stops before I can open the door.
“I don’t know what it is about you. Sometimes I can’t stand you, and sometimes I want to do this.” He grabs my hand and kisses it. My breath catches in my throat. He smiles and out the door. I stand there with the door open for a minute and finally close the door. I feel my back hit the door and I slide to the floor staring at my hand.
Holy shit.
I consider throwing away the bourbon but I don’t need him taking any anger out on me, so I just do as I usually do and go to my room to change into dance clothes. Then I go to the extra room and start dancing. Around eight I hear a knock at the door. I go to the front door, it’s Ryan. “You still have to see a football practice, but I have to see one of your practices.”
“Ok. Come on in.” I step out of the doorway and let him in. Ok this is weird, I really only hang out with people who are dancers. And now I have a football playing anti-dancer in my house, jesus maybe I’ve been getting into Bulleit. He follows me past my room and you can see straight inside. Clothes and my stuff everywhere, I never finished unpacking, too tired.
“Never unpacked?” He asks as we walk into the extra room. Now this room is unpacked, everything in order. I go to the barre and stretch. He sits down on the floor and watches as I stretch every muscle in my body. When I start feeling my muscles pleasantly burn I go from the barre and start doing floor work. I spin and jump around the room to music only I can here. This is when I miss Xander, my favorite part of dance is being tossed into the air.
He and I are still dating, we’ve been dating too long to break up. Like married couples who won’t divorce. I shake my head to forget him. “So how long have you been dancing?” Ryan asks.
“Since I could walk honestly. My mother was a dancer.” I say.
“Is she still one?” Dammit I hate these question. I hate telling people my mom is dead because then they feel the need to apologize.
“She passed away when I was eight.” I say in a monotone.
“My dad passed when I was nine. I know how you feel.” I stop for a millisecond, this is the first time I’ve met someone who lost their parent around the age I did. I nod and keep spinning.
“Have you ever tried dancing?” I ask. He looks up.
“No. Do I look like a dancer?” I smile, he really doesn’t.
“Anyone can dance.” I say, trust me I’ve seen miracles happen.
“Yeah right.” He snorts at me, an actual smile gracing his face, and starts laughing. He probably doesn’t do that often, you can tell by the way it sounds, sort of rusty.
“Oh come on try it.” I say pulling him up. “What type of dances do you know?”
“I did ballroom once when I went to my cousin’s wedding.” He says.
“Want to start with that?” I say.
“Sure.” He walks up to me and we start dancing. He nervous and unsure, making him trip over his feet. It’s sorta cute…. no I cannot think that. I have a boyfriend, but not one that I love and the feeling is mutual. I sigh as I spin out of Ryan’s arms. Before I can stop he twists me back in. I bite my lip and let myself keep being spun and twisted. Finally he stops.
“See wasn’t that hard.” I say smiling at him. His hands are still on me. I pull back and his hands slide slowly off of me.
“Yeah… you have a guitar? Do you play?” He sees my guitar with all the other instruments I’ve learned to play.
“I play everything over there.” We walk over to that corner of the room. He looks at a few guitars, the bass, the drums, the rhythm guitar, and my violin. In between dancing my mother taught me violin and I taught myself everything else.
“Cool.” He says as my phone blares out Lie to Me by Red.
“Hello? Hey baby. No. Yes. Ok. Bye.” I hang up and I feel Ryan staring at me.
“That your boyfriend?” I nod.
“He was the guy I was dancing with in that video.” He nods and looks at his watch.
“My mom has to go to work soon. I’ll see you at school. Bye.”
“Ok bye.” I walk him to the front door and he stops before I can open the door.
“I don’t know what it is about you. Sometimes I can’t stand you, and sometimes I want to do this.” He grabs my hand and kisses it. My breath catches in my throat. He smiles and out the door. I stand there with the door open for a minute and finally close the door. I feel my back hit the door and I slide to the floor staring at my hand.
Holy shit.