I'm the type of person that likes to plan things ahead of time. Up until last year I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to graduate high school, spend a year building up my internships and whatnot, then apply (and get accepted) to Washington State University where I would major in Psychology (clinical), minor in Creative Writing, either open up my own business or work for a big company, work until my 30's (or 40's) then take all the money I would've saved up and travel across the world while working on my book.
I thought it was a great and concrete plan.
But lately...

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

  There are so many options out there and I still have to consider all the factors, like how in the world I'm actually going to pay for college. I'm smart, but I'm not exactly "full scholarship" smart. Speaking of college, turns out I DON'T want to go to WSU. I don't know where I want to go. Recently, I've been thinking somewhere in Chicago. I don't know. My parents want me to go to college in North Carolina, and I honestly don't want to, but if I do go to college here, it'll be much cheaper and I won't be spending my adult life trying to climb my way out of student loans.
sigh

I still plan on becoming a psychologist, but opening up my own business would be stupid. I think I'll just work in a psych ward.

 KLDSFJAODSKFNHAKDJHCIUAWSDNHFA.

I need to stop planning! I need to just try to get past high school and then figure out the rest, right? 
Easier said than done. My brain cannot function right now, it's in stress overload of what to do when 2014 rolls around.

je deteste ma vie maintenant.

-dina.

(by the way: all over now by eric hutchinson is really good)

I'm sorry that I'm such a fucking inconvenience for you.
I'm SO sorry that I actually expected you to hold up to a promise! How fucking silly of me! Since when did you ever do that?
Of course I should have foreseen the yelling, cussing, and stupidity that comes out of your mouth when you can't think of valid reasons for not keeping up your promise. 




I hope you get in a car accident on the way home. You need to die sooner or later, and I vote sooner.

-dina.

  Matt Kearney. Great song. Check him out.
And Rose, "cause that bass makes that bitch cum"? Best line ever? Um. Yeah, okay. Our taste in music has reached a fork in the road and they've obviously taken completely different paths. It's okay though. I still love you.

SO.
Over the past week, I have learned a valuable lesson. 
Any guesses on what it could be?

* jeopardy music *

No?
Okay, I'll just tell you.

  So for all my life I held back my feelings and never expressed what was actually on my mind to people. Thanks to Dom, I was convinced that I shouldn't do that and I should be straightforward and all that crap. So a little experimenting made me come up with the conclusions that
1) I cry like no other if I actually express my feelings
2) Other people are hurt by my opinions (that's why I hold them back)
3) and other stuff I can't really sum up neatly.

  THEREFORE, I should continue doing what I did and be an emotionless robot. It may not benefit me that much, but it benefits everybody around me.
yay, conclusions.

-Dina.